Here are the top 10 things about me that make a shit:

10) I'm fat. There, I said it.

9) I hate anyone named Crystal. Every Crystal I have ever met or even heard about has been a total piece of shit. If you name your daughter Crystal, you have doomed her to a life of waiting on tables, cheating on men, abandoning her kids, and meth abuse. You should be run over by a busload of nuns for doing that.

8) Chocolate Riesen rules!

7) The Ultimate Warrior was the greatest wrestler ever. That's not what I think - It's a stone fact. Goldberg, Batista, Austin - none of them could get up from the Gorilla press and Warrior splash. Fuck Nonz and his Randy Orton fetish.

6) I would rather be bald than balding.

5) The Incredible Hulk is the baddest-ass comic hero ever created. Name one other hero that is stronger than Superman or Thor, heals faster than Wolverine (and has kicked his ass on numerous occasions), is greener than the jolly green giant, and has more personalities than Sybil. That being said, someone should "hulk out" on Ang Lee. If Marvel had known what his next movie would be, maybe they never would have let him put two hours of therapy on the screen and call it "The Hulk".

4) Self medication and deprecation is the only way to live.

3) I listen to Slayer and Stryper. WTF?

2) Proud conservative. NOT republican. Reps are as week with the borders as dems are on the war. I've told too many mexicans to their faces in their own language (mostly) exactly what I think of their invasion of our country. If Bush had the balls he acts like he has, he would declare Mexico a " clear and present danger". Fuck Iran - nuke Mexico!

...and the number 1 most important thing about me is-

I can do anything, but I don't do anything. And that's the way (uh-huh, uh-huh) I like it.