I know it's well after Thanksgiving, but goddamit I have to get this off my chest. My fat ass was busy with other things such as online racing, eating Thanksgiving dinner, and pwning my kids so I never got around to posting this article - let alone writing it. So here are some things I think we should all be thankful for this year, regardless of what day it is.

Who doesn't love Most Extreme Elimination Challenge? From the wacky antics of Kenny Blankenship, the fatherly tolerance of Vic Romano, the leadership of Captain Tennneal, the absolute perversity of Guy LaDouche, or the hundreds of painful impacts suffered by half-drunk contestants you just can't go wrong with any part of this show. Cops vs. Cons? Got it. Want to see the Airline Industry take on Disgruntled Witresses? No problem. Can't get enough of Former Child Stars beating up on Former Alcoholics? What's NOT to love about this show?

Star Wars may have gone back a step with the prequilogy, but the saga was luckily rescued by the authors who are responsible for the Star Wars novels. If Lucas had really wanted Episodes I - III to make sense, he would have enlisted the likes of Timothy Zahn and James Luceno to write the screenplays. Instead it fell on these talented authors to pick up the pieces and have it all make sense. Was Yoda really more powerful than the Emporer? Answered in a novel. Does Luke ever find out Padme was his mom and his dad owned R2-D2 and built C3PO? Novel. Did Vader's busted up iron lung wearing self really kick that much ass? Read the novels. These novels are easily better than the movies, and have led to many instances of my legs falling asleep while on the can trying to see what happens in the next chapter. Literacy rocks, which brings me to my next thing to be thankful for -

Internet grammar. My teachers always handed out fat F's for the kind of poorly spelled run-on sentences that populate so much of today's blogs and forums. Yet this trend is developing rapidly into the accepted norm for typed and written communication. Am I disturbed by the overuse of three letter abbreviations to get a point across among today's youth? Fuck no! This shit makes me look like a fucking genius. If Y2K does ever actually happen, I'll be one of the few people left on Earth that can properly construct a sentence. I figure that guarantees me stewardship of at least a country the size of Delaware, if not the entire eastern seaboard of the U.S.

Of course I'm thankful for his. Not the picture, retard - the fact that there are girls out there too pretty to be lesbians, but nice enough to do it anyway. And via various distributors allow me to watch.

Heroes absolutely rocks. More twists and turns than the Laguna Seca road course, and of course it inserted a new phrase into our pop culture - "Save the cheerleader, save the world". The whole good vs. evil aspect of it plays out well, too, and we're probably setting up for a massive showdown between the 2 most powerful beings on the show - Peter Petrelli and Syler, both of whom leach their powers from others in their own unique ways. Did I mention the cheerleader?

My wife has no idea how many nights she's actually been Hayden Panettiere. I've saved the cheerleader alright...for those nights I just can't get into it.

In keeping with all the TV shows I'm thankful for, Hell's Kitchen is one hell of a ride. Chef Ramsey is such a perfect asshole, and there's nothing anyone can do about it. If you're having trouble with a bully or obsessive ex-grilfriend, just watch this show and study Chef's intimidation tactics. If slamming an egg in someone's chest and calling them a 'donkey' at the top of your lungs while scowling menacingly doesn't convince them to leave you the fuck alone, go buy a damn gun. Plus the guy doesn't give a fuck about saying 'fuck'. That's a big plus for me. I can admire someone who decides they can just fix it in editing, and proceed to tell a female customer to get her tits off his counter and go fuck herself. Brilliant.

Any movie where Nichloas Cage dies, such as Leaving Las Vegas, deserves our thanks. FUCK Nicholas Cage.

If you're not thankful for YouTube, then you're just an asshole. Fuck you. Missed the latest episode of 'Metalocalypse' because your cable was off? YouTube. Never got the chance to see Pink Floyd play at Pompeii? You Tube. Not feeling well, and just want to see random people get pwned, abused, injured, and humiliated in violent yet hilarious ways? YouTube. You can catch up on old episodes of 'Maude' and even see people die. And all for free. With so many forms of our popular culture that impress conformism on people, YouTube is a terrfic outlet for creativity and individuality. If that ain't what America's all about, I'll kiss your ass. Watching someone you don't know get their face smashed into a flaming grill to the theme from 'Wonder Woman' is more American than George Washington eating an apple pie at a baseball game.

I know what you're thinking, "Bob, how the hell are you thankful for Hillary Clinton?" It's simple - we all need someone to hate. Hillary is an exemplification of everything to not be as a woman and politician. She could be hot, but chooses not to be. When fate offered her the opportunity to show how strong a woman could be during the Monica affair, she instead put her lust for power in front of empowering women and stuck with Bill's cheating, swindling ass. Yet again, she could have stuck by her Iraq vote and shown women and Democrats in general could be tough, but no - like every other lefty she has to try to twist her way out of it. Everyone knows the intelligence was wrong. But you could easily stand by your vote on the principal you were just trying to do what was best for the American people. Instead Hillary charges boldly forth to remind us all what's wrong in American politics today, both on the left and the right.

And of course you should all be thankful for me. I'm fucking awesome, and without me you wouldn't have any clue how to fight with your wife, tell smokers to piss off, or just how bad Country's Barbeque witresses really are. So remember to thank me somehow this holiday season. Just imagine how boring and meaningless your life would be without my poorly thought out, incoherent, and sporadic posts. Am I thankful for all you motherfuckers who read my crap? You bet!

The same way I'm thankful for diarrhea. Happy Fucking New Year.