Recently Thilo helped me with the redesign of Rantlister.com. Once that process was done, he granted yours truly a chance for an interview - three months ago. Better late than never, at long last, here is the interview with The Ninja Pirate.

 

So why the name Thilo?

Thilo is greek for "Stupid question."

What got you started ranting on the internet?

I don't rant. I write poetry that is very, very misunderstood.

Are you really a ninjapirate?

This interview sucks.

If so, where did you train, and how many people have you killed?

I trained at Reading Railroad.

Is there anyone you look up to?

Brian Peppers.

If not, how far beneath you do you consider all other mortals to be?

Quit trying to be clever, dickface.

What kind of music does a ninjapirate listen to?

Loud static obnoxious noise.

Say you're in a WWE tag team match against Randy Orton and Batista. Who would you rather have as your tag team partner; Jesus or George Bush?

Jesus and George Bush are already a team

How do you start a rant? Does something have to catch your interest, or do you spin a wheel with subjects written on it at random?

All of my rants start with <h1 align="center">

Besides yourself and me, who would you consider the best rant writers out there right now?

"Rant writer" is an oxymoron.

Do you dig fat chicks?

No, I drill them.

I know you would bang Ann Coulter. How about a pre-cankle Hillary Clinton?

Clinton's chest has nice hillary.

Are you a gamer? And if so, what are your favorite games right now?

I play online drinking games.

(Only answer if into gaming) Who do you think would win in a fight; Sam Fischer or Solid Snake?

Solid Snake is an asshole for stealing my stripper name.

What was your favorite cartoon as a kid?

Ted Fistfucker and the Holocaust Bunny

What's your current favorite TV show?

Bright static snow with my head two inches from the screen and the volume turned up max.

Who/what do you primarily think about when you masturbate?

I think about the girl I just had sex with.

How much better would the world be if you ran everything?

Better for me, and worse for anybody who's allergic to nuclear fallout.

Some have called you "Maddox on crack". What is your view of this comparison?

Nobody has ever called me that. You made that up for the sake of trying to make this interview interesting.

How did you come up with that picture for your logo?

I don't know, it was four years ago. Get a life.

Do you ever think about reproducing, or are there already Thilo-babies out there somewhere?

Very funny. Now go clean your room, Bobby, or I'll ground you.

What was the dumbest thing you did in real life that should have gotten you killed, but didn't?

Attempted suicide.

What would be your preferred way to die?

I get into the sack with a beautiful psycho killing sadistic cuntbitch. And right as I orgasm, she slices my throat. And with my last gurgling breath I passionately exclaim, "I love you." And she responds by heaving an axe through my temple.

Who would you consider to be the dumbest person on earth?

It's really anybody's game at this point. Probably anybody who makes Rosie O'Donnell jokes.

Do you think Rosie O'Donnell is funny, or would you rather eat your own eyes with a wooden spoon than to have to look at her again?

Oops. Awkward...

If you got a one day permission slip from the Supreme Court to kill someone without fear of prosecution or jail time, how would you do it?

I would shoot the Supreme Court Justice who granted the slip because that's freaking funny.

What kind of work do you do in real life?

I am a social worker for frozen cavemen who have unthawed and need jobs.

Which program do you use to run your site?

Winamp

Are you looking forward to seeing this interview on my site?

I'm curious if you'll edit out all the part where I reveal private information about your flat bubbly penis.

Do you think your name alone appearing on my page will increase my traffic?

My name does not like being alone. It enjoys having intimate relationships with other names.

Could you describe my flat bubbly penis?

Probably not.

Are you going to make it apparent that the last question, as well as this one, are not Bob, but Thilo adding questions to the interview?

Fine. Just as long as the real Bob doesn't ask any more.

Deal. Thanks.