Let me preclude this article by stating first I am not a woman hater. I may have written articles that demean women in small ways, but this is due to my use of satire and exaggeration in an attempt to get a rise out of people. This is a very serious piece about a real problem. The way men are butt-fucked by the family courts.

Any of you who read my site regularly know I have children from a previous relationship with a woman named Crystal. Let me also reiterate my belief that by naming your daughter 'Crystal' you are sentencing her to a life of waitressing and meth addiction, and this puts you at the head of the line to be run over by a busload of nuns. All Crystal's ever have been total crap, with the exception of the White Castle - style burgers we have here in the south. They are awesome, but this is probably due to the fact their name actually starts with a 'k'. But I digress.

I have primary custody of the kids. This was easy to achieve, as she brought them to me 2 weeks before christmas in 2001 with nothing more than a bag of dirty laundry. They were 5 and 2. I was forced to file abandonment just to be able to enroll the oldest in school as I was given no birth certificate or shot records, and she is not my biological daughter. The youngest was indeed mine, so I had no problems with her.

When the first court date arrived, with the situation being what it was and my kids forced to sleep on a couch due to the fact I lived in a one bedroom apartment with my girlfriend, the court wanted to give them back to her! For crying out loud, she didn't even bring clothes that fit them when she dropped them off! But my skills of oration paid off, and I was able to convince her and the court that since she was a financial and emotionally unstable meth-head, the kids were better off with me. And all was well.

Now during the first four months of our separation, I had very little to give her financially as she had left me broke and homeless 800 miles away from anyone I knew and I needed to get my life back together. Literally. So I told her to take a few months and get her bills and shit caught up. She decides to not give me a damn dime for the next two years. But of course when I finally file for child support, they won't let me go after back support due to the fact I didn't file paperwork for it. In a woman's case they would have said the children deserved that money and taken me back to the point of separation. I know this because she came after me. Yes, 3 months after she dropped the children off with a bag of dirty laundry I was in court - with them - to fight paying HER child support. It was pretty funny when the case worker started her spiel about taking a blood test and I interrupted her with "that won't be necessary" and pointed to the children sitting over on the bench. I then showed her the court papers filing for abandonment and was treated to the spectacle of this woman's face turning 18 shades of red. And this all happened in front of the same judge that wanted to give her the kids back.

When we finally get to court for a child support order, I have to settle with her for a ridiculously low amount due to her decision to "get fired" from her job and start school. Oh, and to keep her from taking the kids back - yes, the SAME JUDGE, even though she had not offered me a drop of support for the previous two years, wanted to give them back to her. GLARG! In the almost three years since then, she has refused to find a way to pay the measly $61 a month per child she is supposed to pay. I would have had my license suspended and been to jail several times for this refusal to pay. And the "not having a job" excuse wouldn't fly either. The court would make me pay regardless. But here it is, 2007, and they are just now dragging her ass into court to enforce the order.

Our laws and family court precedent were established during a time when men were constantly walking out on their families. I know this because my grandfather was a perfect cliche` of the era - he went out for a pack of cigarettes and came back 20 years later. He left behind my father and his 13 brothers and sisters. My dad had to quit school in the seventh grade to provide for his siblings. But these are different times. Women abandon their families all the time now, partly in thanks to the feminist idea of 'empowerment'. Crystal constantly claims she is making a better life for the children when in fact all she is improving is her own status in life - and at whatever cost. Seriously, does Oprah ever honor women who gave up their kids to improve themselves? No, she features women who struggle to make ends meet while going to college and raising their eight kids whose different fathers refuse to help.

Simply because she is a woman she is given preferential treatment in family court and given far more leeway by child support enforcement than any man would ever receive. These laws and statutes are horrendously outdated, and the courts refuse to take steps to change in the spirit of judicial precedence and protecting the power of the court. In order for me to win full custody, I literally would have had to provide video evidence of her smoking crack during an orgy in front of the kids - possibly even involving them in the smoking and/or the orgy. This is the stigma that men face in these circumstances. This is where men of all races, religions, and beliefs face the same inequality.

I am woman, hear me roar my ass. I am man, hear me scream "Equality Now!"