Well my fuckers, it turns out Nathan Morgan isn't the only person out there who finds me disagreeable or offensive. So I have decided to start a hatemail page. I will update this page as I receive new mail rather than making new posts all the time, which is why the emails are dated backwards. The newest ones will stay on top.

 

Mexico's not only attacking the U.S. now, they're attacking me!
Received December 16, 2007

Subject:
Johanna Beltran <bnoutlaw88@yahoo.com> wrote:

look u peace of shit im a mexican i know english and spanish... the article i just read was full of shit.... if u spend time with mexican peopl partying.. then why the fuck do you spend time with them? ask urself this fucken question what would u white trash people do without us? nothing.... thats what i thought. u would be shit without us!!!! admit it...youll just be like a roach... crying and begging god 2 send us back... youre just jealouse u cant be like us... well im done talking to a peace of shit likr you... so fuck you thats all i could say............ bitch

Wow. Since you have such a verbose command of the English language I would have expected a more well written and thought out piece of hatemail. Plus, I would have expected you to read the entire article rather than have the knee jerk reaction you did. Please take note of this part:
"The sick fact is, I don't hate Mexicans."
Sorry, but every point I made in the article is valid. I'm all for Mexicans coming here legally and acclimating themselves to the culture by learning the fucking language. Too many illegal Mexicans are hurting us and themselves by refusing to take this minor step, because they don't want to be citizens. They want to make a few bucks over a few years, then take their ill-gotten gains back to Chiapas and retire. That comes straight from the horse's mouth, asshole. Maybe next time you'll read the whole piece and take your head out of your ass before sending me such a poorly manufactured piece of basura.

Received December 13, 2007

Subject: VIVA MEXICO !!!!
"Vik Vik" <che_viktor@yahoo.com> wrote:

Hey dude, I read your page and it made me laugh so hard ! I had to write to you because you have your history and your views twisted. First of all your ancestors came from a land call EUROPE, therefore you are not an American you are a EUROAMERICAN! Your ancestors did not come to this legally like you say. Your ancestor slaved black people and genocide the TRUE AMERICAN INDIANS! Mexicans have NEVER slaved no one or genocide anyone. All we do is come to this land and do the work lazy 'North Americans' don't want to do, and thanks to that you can enjoy the foods you eat and the services you use when you go out to a Restaurant for example or a hotels. Now, the questions is when are your ancestors are going to pay for all the harm you've done to this world ?

While I applaud you for actually learning English - which so few of your people do - you missed the entire point of the article. Rather than respond to what the illegals are doing, you can only attack my ancestry for slavery and the plight of the North American Indian. Oops, sorry - I forgot your Spanish ancestors did far more harm to them by introducing diseases like small-pox and enslaving millions of Indians in the search for gold. And maybe you forget that Spain is a country in Europe, also making you a descendant of Europeans. Or perhaps the moniker 'che_viktor' is merely a clever ruse to throw me off the fact you're simply another stuffy-nosed white boy who likes to feel as if you were never part of the crimes against Native Americans and blacks. Honestly, I don't care. Either way, you're just some idiot who has no clue what I was actually talking about, or wants to ease your guilty conscience by attacking your own race.
And just so you know, I'm part Native American. So fuck you.

 

This one's really good. He actually replies to my auto-responder!
Received June 24, 2007

Subject: Ah
"Mike McGuire" <seshoki@gmail.com> wrote:

Another fat dude who thinks his weight and beard and boring remarks are witty. Cant we just leave it to the kid from fat chicks in party hats? Why did people ever think they could live up to his glory.
Your site isn't offensive in anyway, it is just boring. Your ever loving. Mike. Smooch. xoxo

After receiving my auto-response "Thanks for the email. I'll read it when I can.", sent this:

Subject: RE: Thanks!
"Mike McGuire" <seshoki@gmail.com> wrote:

No wait don't! You're too busy!

At this point I still haven't checked my email, and he replies to the auto-responder again!

Subject: RE: Thanks
"Mike McGuire" <seshoki@gmail.com> wrote:

You're kind of repetitive man.

Now for the actual response:

Hey. Moron. That's called an auto-reply. See, some of us can't respond immediately to every email we get due to the fact we actually have lives. I'm sure you were unaware of this, and hopefully I have enlightened you. You are the first person to tell me my site is boring, so I guess I have to shut it down now - is that where you're going with this? Or are you yet another brain dead tool who thinks if you're not Maddox you suck? Frankly, your opinion doesn't bother me. I have had too many observations to the contrary. I didn't come up with that tag-line out of my ass - it was from responses to my "Hey Smokers - Fuck You" and "Erection 2006" articles. You are free to have your opinion, and I am free to ignore it. Hopefully this boring email you sent me with the word 'boring' featured excessively will increase your standing on Maddox Addicts and will eventually lead to a possibilty of you getting laid, or at least a handjob from your mentally challenged cousin.
P.S. I am no pretender. I truly am an angry, fat bearded man. Now go to hell.

Subject: RE: Thanks
"Mike McGuire" <seshoki@gmail.com> wrote:

No shit you fucking moron. God are fat people slow to everything including sarcasm.

p.s this is when you send me a message over cluttered with your "witty", "original" remarks that have been copied from your admitted hero, maddox, who he himself is boring.
So, since I'm such a terribly useless human being, for having written you a letter, doesn't that make you a useless person for criticizing humanity? Do you think your the first one to write about it? Should we just should down life for you buddy?
Yes please continue about your ego, for if you didn't care you wouldn't have replied. smooch. xoxo. Mike.

1. I would like to see where I ever claimed Maddox was my hero. If you bothered to read more than a paragraph or two of my site you would know the opposite to be true. Apparently you draw your opinions on people with relatively little information, marking you as one of the morons I write about.
2. Replying twice to an auto-responder is not sarcasm, it's stupidity.
3. I'm glad you realized you were useless without me having to wrack my brain for the seconds it would have taken to illustrate it appropriately. I appreciate you looking out for me like that.
4. Why can't you assholes just be content with sending me a hatemail and be done with it? Do you really think engaging in an argument with me via email gains you anything? Do you think you will somehow change my mind, or convince me to think as you do? There's no one-upsmanship to be had here; I am me, and am happy to be me.
5. What the fuck does me not being the first to criticize humanity have to do with anything? Just because George Bush isn't the first president, first George to be president, or even first George Bush to be president, does that make him any less the president? Fuck you.

 

Received June 18, 2007

Subject: Paris
"Julie Wright" <neoteny_jw@yahoo.com> wrote:

for hating Paris so much, you sure spend a lot of time thinking about her. money has and always will buy special privileges in a Capitalist society. if the media didn't care, neither would you. frankly, I think the fact that she's the top story and so many people are obsessed with it really shows how our country is. maybe we should all take a look at ourselves instead of worrying about how much a girl who was born into money spends her time or gets treated better than us. cuz face it, it will always be that way.

While I applaud you not being a blithering idiot like most of the people who email me are, there is one simple flaw in your logic:
UNLESS YOU ARE HIDING UNDER A ROCK YOU CAN'T ESCAPE THE PARIS HILTON COVERAGE!
I don't care about her, I care about the double standard her treatment has thrust into the limelight. You can be as pleased as punch with the status quo, but this angry fat bearded man ain't. Perhaps if more people were like me and spoke up and less like you blaming it on capitalism things would change. But thanks for reading and hating me for having an opinion.

[Update] Julie did send another email in, with a very well thought out and gracious response.

 

Received June 17, 2007

Subject: Dear Mr. Smash
"Die McDie" <omgwtfbrb@hotmail.com> wrote:

Your site is fucking shit.
Remove it now. I'm not kidding.
If not, I will be forced to take legal action against you.
You have until Easter Sunday to comply.

To which I replied "I'm sorry you feel that way. Please hold your breath until I remove it". But he wasn't done.

Subject: RE: Dear Mr. Smash
"Die McDie" <omgwtfbrb@hotmail.com> wrote:

You will be recieving an email from my lawyer in 5-10 days.
Until then, my best regards.

Sorry, dude. While I commend your grasp of proper grammar, punctuation, and capitalization your time telling skills leave something to be desired. Not only is Easter Sunday not within the next 5-10 days, it has already passed unless you are actually giving me almost a whole year to do your nefarious bidding. In that case you're an amazing slacker and I envy you. Either way, don't count on it and thanks for playing. Buh bye now.